Monday, June 13, 2011

Fuck hope, I'll just run off the dreams of children

In life we're supposed to have those defining little trivial moments that make us who we are. I've never really experienced such a moment, I'm at that milestone age in life where I'm told I'm to be thinking, "Wow, I don't know shit and now everything is clear." Yeah, I had that moment at 14 and at even younger points in my life when I knew for certain nothing was normal in my life. Dynamics were totally and utterly fucked and the only thing that seemed to make sense was the television. I've been told my entire life that I'm not good enough, I'm not wanted, that someone or everyone hates me and nothing I ever do is up to the par in which I should be attainting. I've heard in the past few years non stop talk about how I should be doing something more, how I'm under achieving- even when I felt my life was a on a great track that made me happy I was doing it for all the wrong reasons or I wasn't doing it quite the way I should be.

I've come to the conclusion that no one will ever be satisfied with anything I do in life, why? Because it's not your fucking life. Plain and simple. Cut and dry.

So....to everyone who has something to say about my life, what I'm doing or not doing, if you're disappointed, angry- too bad.

I'm going to be me, you be you and to each their own. I'm so tired of all of you in my head making me doubt myself- my mind is crowded enough as is.